If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
