I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
