there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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