i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
