I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
