Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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