He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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