I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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