We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
