Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
