She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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