Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
