Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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