She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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