Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
