I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
