she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
