I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
