They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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