Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
