first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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