I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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