Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Your tits are I can't wait for
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
