Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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