If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
