We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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