took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
