He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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