I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
