also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
