yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
