I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
