I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
