Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dick very happy bro
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
