The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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