Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
