I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
