I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
