The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
