I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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