I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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