He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
