hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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