Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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