I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
