He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
