My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
