ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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