bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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