I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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